ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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