i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
