no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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