We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
