A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
