In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize