I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
