FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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