ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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