And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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