At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
