i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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