The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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