I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
