why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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