hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize