Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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