Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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