Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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