epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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