I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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