she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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