a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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