You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize