I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
