Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
