Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
