and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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