Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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