In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
