cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
