OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
