my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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