This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Randomize
