I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
