I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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