I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
