I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
