shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
is it fun? or sober?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
