i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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