my vag is so smooth its legendary
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
