I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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