Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
