I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
