I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
