She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
