Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
