I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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