just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
