Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
