I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize