You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
