Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
