Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
