I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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