did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
