I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
