dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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