Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she was so not down for the gang bang
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
