my soul wont recognize me after tonight
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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