I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
