I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
